Change of self can be brought on in many forms, and when you're in a committed relationship, the change happens (or is supposed to happen) simultaneously. I'm a different person now that I'm married and have kids. It's hard for me to pin-point the exact ways in which I'm different, but I know I've changed. My husband (who used to be laid back and completely care free) has totally changed now that he's a father- he's very protective of his little ducklings and is a very active father- always doing, questioning and caring for them. This is a good thing- although sometimes even though I understand it's a good thing, I get defensive. "I'm the mom, I know what I'm doing." Like when he gets irritated if I fall asleep at night while nursing Ella, or when he reads a parenting baby book cover to cover and suddenly is the expert on feeding and night-time routines. In the moment, I may roll my eyes, I may chuckle, or slightly make fun of him, but in the back of my mind, and later when I'm reflecting on the day's activities, I'm thankful. Thankful that he's there, helping, caring, and doing. Instead if letting me do it all. Because, I'd be a nut without him. (Have you met my two year old? Yes? Good. Then you know what I mean!)
When a person gets married, they date, so they are able to "test the waters" to see what type of spouse the other person would be. What's amazing, is, that if they're planning on having kids, there is no "testing the waters" to see what type of parent that person will turn out to be. So, in a way, they're taking a chance. There is no way to know.
I know I'm not an easy one to live with, but my husband knew this going into it.... I give my husband hell a lot the time for various things, depending on what I've decided to harp on that day, whether it be house chores, organization, or letting Camden wear his "good" shoes to school. His favorite phrase is "It's always something." Yes. It's always something. Because I strive for perfection and I'm very controlling. It's in my blood. I knew all of Joe's quirks going into it... he's a little disorganized at times and usually can't find his shoes or his wallet (the two must-haves for going somewhere...lol) ... but I knew that and that was all fine and dandy with me because he accepts my flaws, and Lord knows I'm pretty flawed when it comes to fussing about any and everything! And yet, as parents, we have changed so much, and have grown to be a really great team. As a father, I have seen Joe transform into this completely amazing person- even more amazing than he was before. Seeing him be a great father is much better than just being a great husband, way more wonderful than that.
It's amazing how the father's roles have changed over the past 50 years. They have slowly, gradually, become more a part of the home, playing a more active role IN the home, and I'd venture to say that Joe and I do most everything 50/50 now that we have two kids. Seriously, the only thing that Joe does NOT do is nurse Ella- and that's because he doesn't have the "tools". All other things, he can handle, sometimes, doing them better than even I do them, and when he does, I have to swallow my pride, let go of the control, and be thankful.